The Healing Power of Attention

When I was 12, I started reading books on personal growth.

As I learned more about myself, and started to feel better about myself, I felt a pull to help people feel better about themselves, too.

I’m sure it had a lot to do with my parents fighting all the time when I was growing up. I couldn’t do anything about it and that sense of helplessness sparked a passion inside me to help others.

Later, as I began my journey as a coach, I also discovered Reiki and other healing modalities. I continued to expand in ways I couldn’t even imagine.

Then, I had kids, which taught me more than what it means to be a good parent.

The experiences of being with crying children taught me the biggest gift that I started to realize was at the heart of coaching and what makes healing work.

And, that’s the power of attention.

You know if you’re with a crying child, the worst thing you can do is to tell your child to stop crying (or to be a big girl or boy). That’ll have your kid hold in even more stress that’s naturally trying to come out.

A friend once said to me, “You know when we were kids, our parents couldn’t handle our crying so they would tell us to stop crying, thinking that they’re doing us a favor? They thought that if they stopped us from crying, they’re stopping us from hurting. But the reality is, the crying is the healing of the hurt, not the hurt itself. So when we stop ourselves or others from crying, we stop ourselves from healing.”

That struck a deep chord within and I hope that’s resonating for you, too.

What a child needs is to be acknowledged and witnessed, while feeling safe to express the emotions and tears arising. Over time, the crying will naturally stop when all the emotions have been processed and released.

So, acknowledging and witnessing is really about giving attention — and, I mean offering good quality, caring attention … and, a safe space.

I want to share with you a tool you can start to practice for yourself so you can give yourself some good quality attention

Start by picking a topic you want to transform. Let’s say, for example, weight loss because many people want to work on weight loss. You may even have had past or potential clients come to you to help them with this.

So, if you personally don’t have any connection with weight loss, choose a topic you’d like to shift,and apply the same steps below.

When you think of losing weight, notice what comes up. Are there any feelings of fear, resistance, or tightness?

If you were to give the tightness or resistance a number of how big it feels on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the biggest, where is it at right now?

When you think of losing weight, where do you feel it in your body?

Simply bring your full attention there.

Place your finger at the most intense spot.

And, go right into the center of the most intense spot — the eye of the storm.

Breathe, keep your attention at that spot and send it love and compassion, as much as you can without needing it to change.

Breathing and keeping your attention on that spot is just like hanging out with a crying child who’s been holding stress and tension. And, not needing it to change is like not telling the kid to be quiet or stop. You’re just offering care, quality attention and a safe space.

So whatever spot of tension you notice, just continue to hang out there and “be with” it. As it receives your care and attention, it will eventually dissolve.

If there’s a story about losing weight coming up, just notice it. Stay out of the mind and story, and keep your focus on the body, again wherever you’re feeling the sensations the most.

Now when you think of losing weight, what do you notice?

Keep repeating the steps above and bring your attention to any spot in your body that’s calling for your care.

This tool, what I call the Peace Process, is one of the most effective and powerful processes I’ve ever experienced. I use it with my clients all the time and I invite you to give it a try.

If you’d like a more guided experience, go here and allow me to guide you through this incredible process of giving yourself deep caring attention and allow healing to happen.

Now if simply turning your attention within can produce so many miracles for yourself, imagine what’s possible when you give your attention to your clients and prospects who could really use it?